The path of deepening authenticity is an interesting journey. To know thy self they say. Gurus and masters supposedly reached levels higher than our own that we look to, in order to relieve our suffering, whose responsibility is the  suffering of humanity? Level of attainment to enlightenment can teach nothing but to turn the compass of inquiry inside. The eternal inquiry of the self reminds us everything within is outside of us as well and every moment is a reflection.

I can not understand how my self has chosen to allow the suffering of an entire species yet in looking in the world if my self is here then I must have chosen this experience along with everyone else. What I know now after living this life for a short yet seemingly incredibly long 27 years is that in comparison to what I came here with this life is a blip in an infinitely spiralling timeline of evolutions. What I have found in my inquiries of my "Self" here on this earth is that I am not my "Self" I am not what or who i truly know I am. I Am a diluted distorted facsimile of my truth doing my best to survive in a reality which makes little to no sense to me.  As a person who feels more than the self in this body and more than the self in this plane with memories of universal travel and instant manifestation, I know in my heart and soul that nearly everything on this planet is currently presenting itself in an expression so far from real truth that my daily choice to live here is a struggle to lie to hold the projection of who I Am expecting myself to be. The parameters of this current dimension limit my capabilities which are so deeply encoded in my immortal being that even death to me is remembered as a transition simple and as continuous as walking out your door and going for a walk.

I contemplate daily my choices as a soul to be born into a reality of paradox sold a vision of truth by the voice of creation now only to be trapped on our confusion. The many minds which run through mine are constantly chattering of their pain. I may know you and I may not and I do know that your thoughts run deeper and much farther than you think and I know that the thoughts of a child in pain resound through the earth like a thunderstorm washing rain in such a downpour that it soaks us to the bones with the exact emotion the suffering one feels. Each of us is a child of the universe and there are nearly 8billion children of gaia in human form on this earth. There are an immeasurable of sentient beings on this earth. If you can see it it is sentient as if you see it is consciousness. The programmed reality we see is so sophisticated that we are missing yet another immeasurable number of sentient beings which live all around us at all times. This is on purpose. This is limiting us from our true power. To make the unbelievable possible again is where our freedoms lie. To believe in the beings and powers of universal flow we have forgotten and to throw away the paradigms of programmed realities convincing us to continue to feed the systems of slavery and illusions even on our work which seeks to break them.

Often I feel myself is in a rock and a hard place,  a trap so to speak. I know there is a doorway to the other side of life and I am here to open it. The beings I have recollected since I was a child a indescribable and they are real I may falter in my trust and I may falter in my faith because nothing I know to be true functions in this current dimension. Density is time evolution slowed down. We are being tricked and all of us are still blind. Until we can see the faeries, dragons, angels and wizards within us, until we can feel every feeling across the earth inside of our minds and hearts as if it is our own thought and we know our hands are joined through every realm, until we feel every drop of water and hear the community of people within them creating life in the earth, until we recognize mother earth as a person, until we recognize each other as the same person, until we promise to harm none especially ourselves, until we throw away the conditioning of mindless consumption feeding the system of funnels of wealth, until we think of community before ourselves, until we lift others up as equal, until we end corruption, until we see animals as people and trees as communities, when we see the realities we know in our hearts, our experiences of medicine our meditations our yoga, when we wake up and know that we can fly, know, believe and follow through I believe we are still blind. I am not speaking some metaphorical new age bullshit woo woo blabber. This is truth, this is ancient. This is older than the earth itself. This is Gaia, Unci Maka, Pachamama, Ima Adama, Mother Earth. You are her and every day we choose to cut into her body without asking, even as I type on this device made from mining and petroleum I am agreeing to continue harming the mother and myself. My only hope is that even though many days all I pray for is an escape back "home" to the lands of infinite creation and ever changing realities of true will power galaxies and spirits at our fingertips holding us in waves of love as we travel the multiverse rewriting the wrongs we've perpetuated in our different forms. I have been the destroyer I have been the abuser I have been the addict i have been the success i have been the teacher i have been the musician I have been hungry never starving I have been thirsty never deprived I have been grateful never satisfied I have hated living as a human and wanted to die yet not given up I have been a liar I have been the truth I have had integrity I have not I have been in anguish I have realised it is not so bad or it could be worse. Every day I feel guilty for being a "have" while my own ancestors bloodlines are the "have nots" every day I convince myself to keep going because there "must be a way to heal myself and really want to live, there must be a way to heal the earth and bring humanity back to truth, there must be  a way to enter the real world". Every day I have to convince myself that I am doing something worthwhile in this human prison and truthfully it has given me a countless number of gifts. I am learning that it is in the devotion to constantly removing the layers of deep seated/seeded ancestral pain, conditioning, trauma and through the admission of my own suffering and need for help my self expands. I am learning that as i begin to understand feelings which are not my own and really integrate the why i am connected to the visions of pain in my head my self expands and learns. The universe or whatever you call it is willing to give is gifts when overcome our challenges. Seems fucked up I know. This is how I believe it works: the perceptions if self limitations limit our reality and paint the daily picture of the most likely programmed pathway set by control forces, our thoughts and belief in our selves can only go so far until we break through the thought barriers which create our limitations some of these originate within us but many are energetic wave forms and overlays from all the electromagnetic distortions holding the illusion in place, the desire for control has set upon us an infinite number of mind traps which are actually in origin "external" to know the aura is very important in this case since thoughts can be picked up in the aura and some thoughts are being slingshot at us at light speed to oppress us all. When we break our own mental barriers we deflect and reverse these thought waves and turn them into truth and affirmations of healing. Everytime you heal yourself and clear your mind you creat a rainbow rain of thought waves which spread across the earth everytime we experience our pain express it and release it we transmute the storms of suffering and in turn eventually re-create reality itself. I am reminding myself to be patient. Sometimes I feel myself losing grip on wanting to be. When I know it is so easy to exist in a million other places at once, yet something calls me to stay. Often the convergence of universal information  flying into my brain keeps me up or wakes me up at 200 in the morning, maybe you have some information for us too. I have no idea if anything I say matters but the words just come out and i know they will reach someone.

If i had an answer i would give it to you freely. For now i have tools to get us closer. As much as I can I am here for you as much as I am am healing for you I know you are doing the same for me. Even though i may not always be there when you want me to be i am always thinking of you because I can't shut my mind off anyways. If I have met you you are on my mind. If I have worked with I feel your feeling and I hear you thinking in whispers and chatter dreams and journeys and in these whispers I know you are growing. If I have known you I am praying for you. If I do not know you I am praying for you you are my relative. May we all remember who we truly are.